April should be the beginning of everything coming back to life, longing for all the beautiful things. But in Shanghai, it is so desolate. There are almost no people on the streets, and the entrances of residential areas are reinforced with layers of wire mesh, like endless cages.
My mindset has changed many times this month.
At the beginning of the month, Puxi started implementing comprehensive static management, but I, who live in Pudong, have been locked down for almost two weeks. However, it is still unknown when I can be released. Without any reserves of supplies, after a week of consumption, I have almost run out, and I have to consider how to survive the coming days. At that time, I could only rely on the 6 o'clock notification every day to survive, but I couldn't guarantee that I could get it. I never thought that my birthday would be so difficult. Although I am not someone who advocates celebrating birthdays, I don't like formalism. Basically, at that time, I could only eat two potatoes, boiled dumpling skins, and soy sauce mixed with rice for several days. Every day, I worry about what I can eat tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. I can't bear to eat the remaining meat and frozen food. It's the most desperate time when I skip meals for three days out of five without any hope.
At the beginning, I could still buy some food at the supermarket downstairs, although there were only frozen food and instant noodles left. At that time, I thought that as long as the supermarket didn't close, I wouldn't starve to death. However, everything happened too quickly. When I woke up, the supermarket was closed. One after another, online grocery shopping platforms such as Hema and Meituan closed, and only Dingdong was barely surviving, making it even more difficult to grab groceries. Later on, Dingdong also couldn't buy vegetables and was constantly out of stock. Fortunately, I joined the community group, and various group buying groups followed. It was unstoppable. In such an environment, you would starve to death without relying on group buying. From the initial vegetable group buying to the current various group buying, it has developed to the point where we are now group buying ice cream, watermelon, and more. I didn't realize that summer had come. This spring unknowingly passed by for everyone living in Shanghai, like a passerby. It may also be because there are too many group buying activities in the community, combined with the chaotic management, many elderly people and stubborn people cannot stay at home, and the community has been on the news every day since last month.
Every day, the 14-day cycle resets, breaking through the last line of defense again and again. I know the hardships I have experienced in this month, and I have also seen many things, both around me and on the internet. With the spread of "Voice of April" on the internet, I really feel it's ridiculous, but more importantly, it's sad. Because all of that is real, happening in this once-envied first-tier metropolis, this international city. Now it's just so absurd. I have been locked down for a whole month at that time. The loneliness, despair, and fear I experienced during that time, when I watched this video for the second time on a quiet night, my eyes couldn't help but fill with tears.
The long-term isolation brought me loneliness and fear, which enveloped me every day and made me lose interest in doing anything. I am not someone who can find joy in hardship. The long-term suppressed mood has also made me inefficient in my work, mentally absent, and wasted so much time. The time spent on cooking and eating every day is also particularly long. Before this, I was someone who couldn't cook, but now I have to learn how to cook, even though it may not taste good. Although I can only make a few simple dishes, as long as they can fill me up and go down my throat, it's enough. As the days go by, daily necessities also begin to run out. After all, vegetables cannot be bought in blind boxes, but there are too few group buying options for daily necessities. I am someone who is always prepared, and if I don't have backups, I start to panic. Fortunately, the situation has improved a bit now. The supermarket downstairs has reopened, although it is through volunteers and building leaders taking turns to go to a few buildings to buy groceries. At the current rate, it takes about half a month to get a turn. In addition to the supermarket, there are other channels to buy some daily necessities, although the prices are higher.
In this way, April passed in despair, fear, and loneliness. This will probably be the most unforgettable month in my life.
Written afterwards: Weeks have passed. The weather is getting hotter, and the days of being locked in the room are becoming more and more uncomfortable. I just learned the news that the community was cleared yesterday, although it is not very reliable, but I really hope that we are about to see the light at the end of the tunnel.