These days

Unknowingly, I have been lying at home for over two months.

This is probably the longest vacation I have had since school. Since this semester started, I have been living a completely irregular life. After returning home in December last year, my routine became even more chaotic, with my sleep schedule completely messed up and my days and nights reversed. There is no morning, I sleep until eleven or twelve every day, and I can't stop scrolling on my phone at night, only falling asleep in the middle of the night. I can't bear to put down my phone. This is probably the most irregular sleep schedule I have ever had.

Living without constraints makes people lazy. Although these two months seem long, they are actually very short. I deeply understand that I still have to break free from this kind of life and embark on a solitary drifting life again, but I feel so reluctant.

Looking back on these two months, it's not like I haven't done anything productive. I have made some achievements.

  • I finally finished the game that I was once obsessed with and caused me a lot of anxiety. Thank you for helping me get through the most agonizing moments.
  • I have written over ten thousand words for my graduation thesis, with only a few sections left to write.
  • I have continued to maintain MixSpace, clearing up the mess and adding more interesting things.

That's about it.

Because I have wasted too much time on seemingly meaningless things, but upon careful consideration, even meaningless things must have some meaning.

Next week, I will start my life in Shanghai. Once again, I will go to a unfamiliar city and begin my third internship. However, this time, I have no expectations, no anticipation, but rather a sense of fear. I have imagined it to be too perfect, and my expectations will be disappointed.

It will eventually come to an end, and then start anew.

A pessimistic person

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