Afraid of tomorrow is the fear of not falling asleep.

The second week of employment is a tough one.

This week, I only have one day off. The short day quickly passed. Before I had a chance to rest, I have to go to work again tomorrow.

Lately, I've been staying up late at night. Even though time flies by quickly, late at night, as I watch the time ticking away, I'm unwilling to put down my phone and go to sleep. Thinking too much can cause insomnia. Furthermore, not wanting to fall asleep is a fear of tomorrow's arrival. Waking up from sadness every day of the 996 work schedule, and sometimes even waking up from nightmares. The plan for the day lies in the morning, and without a good mood in the morning, the day will be agonizing. Only at night is my own time, but it's only a few short hours, and in order to extend this time, I can only sacrifice rest.

If every day is filled with agony, if every day is endured, is it necessary to continue? A heavy topic, I have made too many choices in this lifetime, and every time I regret it, choosing the worst answer. From choosing a school to now working, it's just that in the past, there were no options to give up, but this time I can make a new choice, and I'm afraid that the next choice may be worse than the previous one.

Leaving my hometown may have been my biggest mistake. I lack self-care abilities and I'm not good at socializing. Since I was young, starting from going to school, I have always been someone who takes a very long time to adapt to new environments. This period of time is very painful, I don't initiate communication, and I don't know how to fit in. And now, just like back then, I still won't actively communicate, won't confide in others, and live in the shadow.

Maybe I'm not suitable for working. Remote work where I only work and don't have to go to the office should be the most suitable for me. I don't want to integrate or communicate, I'm afraid of face-to-face interactions, and I don't want to be restricted. The pain of not wanting to go to work is like going to a funeral, day after day feeling like being imprisoned. I just want an open and free environment, leaving some space for each other, and to work happily and live healthily.

I really don't like my current job. The business, work environment, and work atmosphere. E-commerce is a field I have never been involved in, and combined with a development direction that I don't have confidence in, it makes me reject it from the bottom of my heart. The chaotic work environment, compared to being with a group of people, I prefer to work alone. I don't like the extremely competitive atmosphere, where everyone seems busy, but I don't know if they are truly busy or just pretending. Even if I'm not very busy, I still have to work late.

I'm anxious about what I'm considering, and I see on Maimai that there are also many recent graduates who have just entered the workplace and have the same thoughts as me. In this kind of environment, should I continue to endure or escape early to find a pure land?

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