After Yang Kang

The new year began with the outbreak of the new coronavirus. The difficult start to the year made me feel like this year won't be any better.

During this period, I feel like life has become even more meaningless. There's nothing that excites me, I feel tired all over, and there's nothing I want to do. My state of being is just existing. My mental illness has worsened, I have lost hope in life, my mindset has collapsed, and I wonder what the meaning of living is.

Living my life like this, it seems like I'm busy every day, but what have I achieved? Every day, I criticize myself more and more, feeling like I'm worthless. When I come home exhausted, I don't even know what entertainment is. I lie down every day with a tired body, but I still can't sleep because I'm thinking about the pile of things I have to do tomorrow.

I don't have any loans to repay, I don't have a girlfriend, I'm not considering buying a house, and I don't have any aspirations. It seems like there's no reason for me to keep going. Instead of being physically and mentally exhausted, and so unhappy, maybe it's time for me to go. But now, what is there that brings me happiness? It seems like nothing.

In this state, how should I proceed to the next step? I am clueless.

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