Heart-to-heart conversation

September is over.

I suddenly feel that I no longer enjoy silently giving to someone as I used to. Lately, I have been feeling more and more exhausted. I think back to the spirit of striving to learn new things every day last year, and it's completely different from now. I admit that I have never been a very motivated person and I always tend to retreat. It's the same with everything I do. I guess I am the waste that others talk about.

Every time I browse social media and see others, I always marvel at how successful they are, while the comments below are just people selling themselves out. The real losers are the ones who silently walk away.

I don't know when it started, but I find it harder and harder to work on my own projects. I keep saying what I'm going to learn next, but it never happens. Since the beginning of spring, when I started building my blog from scratch, I have been maintaining this project until the summer break. I have tried to migrate to different tech stacks a few times, but I encountered various difficulties. Starting over always requires courage and determination.

I always complain that there is not enough time and that I can't finish everything. But every day, I have so much time to waste. It's so contradictory. People who like to complain never make the most of their time.

Do you like your current job? What does it mean to truly like it? If it weren't for making a living, who would want to work? After all, not everyone is born into wealth. For me, while working, being able to learn new things and explore new horizons is a very joyful thing. Can this be considered a different kind of liking?

Time flies, and I'm already in my third year of college. I witnessed the new freshmen entering the school again. Two years ago, I still vividly remember that day. It was drizzling with a hint of innocence, and the ground was wet. I was not familiar with the surroundings, and I even had trouble finding an address. Because I didn't know about various delivery stations, my dad and I walked for half an hour before finding the place called "Snack Street," which looked dirty and messy, and the delivery station was inside...

I asked my roommate, "Do you have any plans for the future?" She said, "I'll take it step by step." Many people around me don't have plans for the future. We're already in our third year, and they still don't have plans. A senior student in her fourth year asked me some questions about front-end development. I looked at them, and they were all very basic HTML and JS. I then asked her if she plans to pursue this field in the future. She said yes and that she's currently looking for an internship, hoping to pass the interview. I told her that her foundation is a bit weak. Do you have any projects you've worked on that I can see? She sent me two projects, each with less than 200 lines of code. They were also quite rough. I told her that relying solely on what the teachers teach in class is not enough. You see, in the mediocre school I attend, the knowledge the so-called teachers possess is stuck in the past ten years and can't keep up with the changes of the times. They are even inferior to some students. Self-study is essential. This is probably the true portrayal of most college students today.

It's not too late to turn back now. I told my roommate. Actually, everyone understands this, but they don't want to try, to take that first step. People like to see what others are doing and follow the crowd. If he's still playing games, then I'll play too. Slowly, when there's no turning back, it will be too late.

October begins, and this month's goal is to become the person I used to enjoy tinkering with.

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