It seems like I'm reaching my limit, experiencing insomnia, anxiety, and forgetfulness.
In the past month, due to a sudden idea, I tried to apply to a few companies to test my luck. Because it was unplanned, I was completely unprepared. I started practicing problems and memorizing standardized answers. Every day, I repeated and repeated endlessly, while also juggling my job. I can already envision my future self in several years, and it will be this miserable state, no, even worse. The Lunar New Year should have been a joyful time, but I spent most of it practicing problems and memorizing standardized answers. To me, everything seems meaningless, yet it is so important. Even though I repeat the same problems every day, I still make no progress. I forget the repeated questions when I see them again, so I resort to memorizing.
How helpless, how unbearable. It seems like because of the shortcomings in my education, I feel the need to seize every opportunity. But I have realized that the daily repetition is also a form of self-torture. I have always avoided participating in the rat race, disliked it, but now I seem to have become the person I used to despise the most.
Then let's give up, escaping is shameful but useful. I used to consider coding as a hobby, but now I'm starting to feel bored. It's better to give up and find the person I used to be. After all, if there is no interest or hobby in life, then living is just an empty shell.
Well, I was just trying, so why bother taking it so seriously. Since that's the case, I should relax a bit.