What kind of existence am I exactly?
A highly contradictory individual.
I am impatient, yet I suffer from procrastination. I try to set all tasks for today, and if I can't complete them, I will have sleepless nights. But I always end up postponing them until the evening.
I don't plan specific things because I believe plans can't keep up with changes. The more prepared I am, the more thoroughly disappointed I become. "Should," "probably," and "maybe" are my frequently used words. The future is full of uncertainties, and without foresight, there are often no definite outcomes. However, there is always an outline in my mind, and the more I think, the more worried and afraid I become.
I often feel regretful about trivial matters, such as whether I said something wrong. Afterward, I tend to overthink. Late at night, in the silence, the more I reflect, the more afraid I become, and it's inevitable to have sleepless nights. But when it happens, it never goes through my mind.
I am not someone who lives in the present. I often think long-term, plan ahead, and cannot see the future or feel the joy of the present.
I am not a humorous person, nor am I an outgoing person. In front of acquaintances, I can appear talkative and outgoing. In front of strangers, I only show social anxiety and awkwardness. In reality, I am very eager to communicate and have a desire for like-minded companionship.
I am not a sunny person.
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