On the 53rd day at Ant, I left. Looking back at these short two months of internship life, my heart is filled with mixed feelings. From unlimited expectations before joining to constant doubts about my abilities after joining; from infinite longing to being lost in the invisible confusion. The exhaustion from leaving early and returning late every day makes me lose interest in anything, and suddenly I feel the hardships of being a worker. I can't help but sigh, being a student is better, not having to endure the hardships of society, not having to experience the coldness of the world. There was a time when I wanted to escape from my student days and step into society early. Life is like a walled city everywhere, only those who have experienced it know how good the outside world is.

In a big company, there are too many outstanding people, doubting every day whether I am capable of this job, suffering every day, and so I spent a month. Even if I read the documentation and slack off every day, I feel very uncomfortable. I'm so inexperienced, I just passed the interview by luck, am I really suitable here, I have no value at all. So I chose to leave, on the last day of the month, after leaving, I returned to school and pondered the meaning of existence.

I was just escaping. I can't bear my own cowardice.

I ran away. But I did exist.


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